Hello Again!!!!!

Well not much happening here. I celebrated my 22nd birthday on the first of the month. It was really a nice one. God sent me a blizzard for my present lol!!!! I went sledding with Shaun that night and went shopping with my mom for the weekend. I have been pretty much just working at my new job and spending alot of time with Shaun. Please keep us in your prayers especially him for, like I said before, he is going through a very difficult and stressful time. As always, you are all in mine and your prayers are greatly appreciated. I have been getting used to my new life down here and am very happy. I had a great Thanksgiving and I hope you all did too. Shaun and I spent the day together and instead of turkey, we grilled steaks and potatoes outside and sat around a fire for a while and then came in and had a wonderful candlelight dinner. It was very nice and now Christmas is almost upon us. I have so much to do and so little time to do it!!!!! Well, on that note I will leave you all and talk to you all later. Have a wonderful holiday season and a very blessed Christmas everyone!!!!

Mary

It's been so long......

Yes, it's been so long since I last wrote and believe me so much has happened. First of all I moved out and into my own place. I liked it a little bit but now I have decided to move in with my biological grandparents and stay with them so I can save a lot of money and go to Milwaukee Area Technical College next fall. I quit my job on Monday and have been down here in West Bend since Tuesday and already have two interviews set up so prayers are needed in that area! I have met a man whom I have fallen completely in love with but he too needs lots of prayers cuz he is somewhat confused as far as religion and other important things in life are concerned but he has a good heart and that's what keeps me going with him. Thank you for all your prayers for they are greatly appreciated. Things have begun to clear up quite a bit and have been working out very well lately. However, there are still some difficult spots and I still need to work on those. There is some news that might possibly occur soon but until I know for sure, I won't say what it is. But if it is true, it will change my life forever. So please keep praying for me!!! Thank you all so very much for being here and actually caring because when you feel all alone and completely abandoned by everyone, then you realize who is really here for you and who you can depend on in difficult times. Well, I have to go search for more jobs so I will let you all go for now and talk to you later. Arrevedeirci!!!!

Mary

Still struggling......

First and foremost I wish to thank you for all the prayers you have ben offering for me. Things have been a little better but not much since I still have so much going on. Due to shortage in finances, I will yet again be postponing my schooling. I hated to do it but did not have much of a choice. I am looking for my own place and also a better job. My phone is now back on so that is a relief. My mother and I are still at each others throats though. I am beginning to believe that things will never change between us. We hardly ever talk anymore and that is fine with me because we always end up fighting anyways. My father talks to me occasionally but he feels so in the middle of things that it puts him between a rock and a hard spot. I try to keep him out of things so he doesn't feel that way but, I can't do much else for him. The rest of my family won't even talk to me because of what is going on between my mother and I but oh well, life goes on. I was able to quench my feelings for the man who was not good for me but I have recently met up with an old friend who may be more to me than just a friend. He is not the kind of man I would have gone for before but he has something that makes me feel drawn to him. I can't put my finger on it. But anyways, I should get going so I will talk to you later. Bye.

Mary

I'm still alive

I know that you are all probably wondering where I am and if I'm still alive. Yes I am here just barely. I am so alone right now and angry at the same time. God is so far away from me and I have given up trying to find Him. I feel like I am walking through life in a black cloud and that no one is there to help me. My mother and I are constantly fighting and nothing is making it better. She is telling me what I have to do with my life and I am not really caring at this point what she says because the ideas are what she wants me to be. She says I am running from God and yet He is right there waiting for me. Maybe I am, but I couldn't find Him even when I was looking for Him. Nothing is making sense and all I want to do is forget about these problems running through my head. But I have to deal with them and my mother is just making it ten times worse. She has accused me of every possible crime in the book and I have done nothing to deserve that. She says I can't make it on my own and that even if I try it won't work. Maybe she's right but I am so lost and hurt right now, I can't see straight. Everything feels like it is going wrong and yet nothing really bad has happened. I told her that I couldn't move back home because I can't deal with all the problems at home. Not only would I have to contend with my parents and my challenged siblings, but also my nagging grandma and John who is so stuck on himself and tries to dominate me that I know I couldn't handle it all. I am trying to find my own place, trying to find enough money to go to school this fall, trying to make enough money to pay my bills and get my phone turned back on, and trying to quench my feelings for a man that I know is no good for me and would break my heart. I am so tired of fighting with people and running into problems all the time. Please pray for me for I have given up almost all hope.

Mary

It has been a while.....

It has been a while since I have been on here. I have been very busy with work and now that summer is here it seems like there is never enough time to do everything that I want to do. I have been spending alot of time with my close friend Michele, her family, and our circle of friends (my extended family). Some of us went on a road trip to Sunset Lake in Waupaca County this past weekend and had a blast. I met a guy in the circle of friends that I have fallen for. Nothing will ever happen though because it would just be too awkward and complicated BECAUSE he and I are both in the circle of friends. So we are just friends. I have also decided not to move back in with my family. My mother and I had a falling out and we are not speaking to one another anymore. I am getting my own place because I need somewhere to call my own and just to have my own little haven. I know now that if I were to move back home, my mother and I would be at each other's throats all the time and I would end up leaving anyways. I need to have my own space and comfort zone where I can be alone and not have anyone bother me. If I seem a little cold and distance, it is because this is a very hard time for me and I apologize. God is also very distance from me now and I feel all alone. But, I will get over it because I have always done it before. But I have to get going now and I will talk to you all later. Bye

Mary

Out of Town

Yes that's right I am out of town at the moment. My work sent me to Racine for a week to tak part in a training program going on all week. It is hard work but I am working with some really fun people and am thoroughly enjoying myself. We start bright and early at 7:00am and work till 6:00pm or 7:00pm. It is pretty grueling work getting up and down, lifting heavy objects, climbing ladders, and trying to fit everything in. Yet, I could get used to this kind of life. After a hard days work, come home to a swimming pool, a whirlpool, a fitness room, internet access:), free breakfast, roomservice, and MY OWN little space!!!!! Yes, I most definately could get used to this:)!!!!!!
Thank you for all your prayers and rest assured for you are all in mine (especially you Zenka:)!!!! Michele is still going through a hard time and is in alot of pyshical, mental, and emotional pain. She is having some minor legal issues as well and even had to go to court today for something that wasn't even her fault. Thank God that problem has actually been mostly worked out today so that is good but please continue to pray for her and thank you again. Well, I must be getting going cuz it is getting late and I have to wake up early tomorrow morning again. So arrevedeirci for now my friends!!!!! God Bless!!!!
Mary

Ready for School hopefully......

Well, yesterday, my mom and I went to orientation for my school in the fall. She wanted to come along to get some information and see what it was all about and I said I didn't mind so she came along. So, I am all set and registered for classes and now all I have to do is take an accuplacer test, a keyboarding test, and finalize my financial aid process. I am so excited and yet, I am a little apprehensive too. I am going to go to school for two years for something that I am not sure I want to be doing for the rest of my life. I am panicing at the moment!!!! But, my objective is to get my degree in Healthcare Business Services so I can have something under me and then maybe go on to a four year college after working for a while. My problem is that there is so much I want to do and I'm not sure I want to be tied down to one thing. I want to go to new places, meet new people, and do new things. I am restless and independant. AHHHH!!!!!!!
Brief moment to breathe steadily..... ok I think I'm good for now :)! Anyway, I will survive. I always do :)!
I have another prayer request for you all. My very good friend Michele is going through a very difficult time right now. She has given up on religion and doesn't want Him in her life. She says she has tried to turn to Him and it failed. She is having some major financial, emotional, spiritual, and physically painful problems right now and needs ALOT of prayers. She is very worldly and does many things I don't approve of or condone but she needs a friend and I am there for her and praying for her and I ask you to help me pray for her. Thank you and be assured you are all in my prayers always. God Bless. Arrevedierci!!!!
Mary

Another vocation

This past Monday was May 1 and also the feast of St. Joseph the worker. I slept over at my parents house the night before and we got up early the next morning to go to 7am Mass at the Carmelite monastery in Denmark, WI. But this was no ordinary Mass for at this one, a novice would make her perpetual vows and receive her black veil. Her new name was Sr. Mary Joseph of the Holy Face. What a beautiful name and what a great day too! They Mass was beautiful with 12 priests and the bishop all concelebrating. The chapel is somewhat small but let me tell you it was jammed full that morning! After the homily, the she came out with Mother and the Vicar and professed her vows. She then received her veil as she stood before the bishop. Then they went to the altar to sign the contract showing she was forever the bride of Christ. How awesome. As I watched her I really began to admire her and when I later found out she was not that much older than me, I was stunned! I am a very independent and restless person with dreams of traveling the world and falling in love with someone. I know that right now if I were to enter a convent I would feel like a caged wild bird. But I really respected this young girl who was forever a cloister and yet was at peace and content with being just that. We got to meet her and mother in the visiting room and sister was so happy she was crying and laughing at the same time :)! It was a great experience for me to witness this total giving of self to God and really makes me want to strive for greater holiness and unity with God. Well, I think that's all for now, except that Spring has finally sprung out here in Wisconsin and I hope it will continue that way :)! God bless you all! Arrevedeirci!!!
Mary

Horses and plans

Last Saturday as you all know, Suzanne and I went down to the Midwest Horse Fair in Madison. I feel just like she does. I want a horse again and I miss riding so much. The Icelandics were cool and I also enjoyed the Andulusians and the Fresians. I asked my mom about getting a horse again when I moved back home and so we went out to the barn to look things over. However, we found some bad things. Three of the main beams that hold up the barn are in some pretty bad shape. Two of them are cracked and splitting apart and the third is actually leaning out of it's socket and bending. We don't think the barn is too safe anymore and I will not put a horse in there unless I know it won't suddenly topple on him. My mom also said that our place is not very practical for having a horse. It is a really cool place but it is getting a little to expensive for my parents and alot of expensive repairs need to be done if not now, then sometime soon. I love the place but I agree with my mom about all those things. So I think we will soon be looking for a new place to live. I'm not sure though because everything is pretty much up in the air as yet. I must confess though I have it all kind of figured out :) About 7 to 10 acres, a medium size barn nothing huge, good patureland, an area to put an arena, I nice sized house, and good land to go exploring in :)! Maybe a creek or pond on the property and alot of trees too. Close to some horse trails would be great too. Anyway, I suppose I should get going. I have to go help my mom paint my grandma's room today. Fun, fun, fun. Talk to you all later! Arrevedeirci!!!!! God bless!
Mary

Praise the Lord!!!!!!!

First and foremost I want to tell you all that my Dad has found a job!!!!!!! Thank you for all your prayers and support!! They were greatly appreciated and he found out about the job on Good Friday!! The Lord works in mysterious ways! Praise the Lord!!!! I don't know where he works (haven't found that out yet) but I know he is working!!! Praise God!! I also found out that I was approved for the school semester in the fall and also for financial aid today!!! Yipee!!! I got a moments panic yesterday when I was talking to my mom though and said I didn't know if I wanted to go to school. Funny how those weird thoughts just hit you sometimes. Oh well, I am still going but I do have the jitters. :) But I am very excited!!!!! Also my mother is officially hooked on the new Pride and Prejudice movie. I bought and have watched it six times (three of those were with my mom:) My mom wouldn't even let me take it home with me after the first time she saw it because she wanted to watch it again:) And this is coming from a woman who firmly does not believe in watching a movie more than once unless it is EXTREMELY good. I told her before she saw it that she would be hooked and she didn't believe me! Anyway, I have to go. Thank you all again so very much for all the prayers. God bless and keep you all. Arrevedeirci!!!
Mary

Happy Easter!!!!!!!!!!!

I know it is only Good Friday but I don't think I'll be on again till after the day, so Happy Easter everyone!!!!!! Like Suzanne I am happy that Lent is finally over but I think it has been a very fruitful and grace-filled time for me. Last night after Holy Thursday Mass, I stayed in adoration till 10:30pm and just sat talking to Our Lord. I felt so at peace that I almost thought I was falling asleep :) But Our Lord is such a good listener, a rarity in this world, and I just gave Him all my troubles, worries, expectations, hope, dreams, and everything I had,to do with what He will. It felt like total abandonment to Him. That was quite a new feeling for me and yet, it was such a great thing. I really felt as if He had wrapped His arms around me and would never let me go. I can't describe it accurately but I hope you get the jist of it. Then a strange thing happened to me as I walked out of church. There was a thunderstorm brewing and it had just begun to really start lightening and thundering. I was about halfway between the church and the parking lot when lightening struck right above me and for a split second all I could see was white light. Now, I was deathly afraid of thunderstorms when I was young and I still don't like being outside when one hits, but at that moment I did not feel the least bit afraid. I felt as if nothing could harm me and was at peace in my soul. Like I said before, I really can't describe it too well, but I tried :) Anyways, my family thanks you for all the prayers and to let you know they are still needed. You all are constantly in our prayers too. May you all have a blessed and Happy Easter. God Bless. Arrevedeirci!!!!!
Mary

P.S. Suzanne, I hope you had fun over at my house and that maybe we can do it again sometime. Did the horse bit you found clean up good? Next time we'll pack a lunch and go hiking and scavenger hunting all day :) Also about next Saturday, we don't have to be there at 8:00am if you dont want to get up that early :) so whenever you want to head out just let me know.

Summer Plans and Prays Needed

Hello to all! It has been a while since I last posted. There really isn't anything new. I am trying to help my parents gradually restore their 1855 log cabin. We are in the process of tearing down the plaster and pretty much gutting the interior. We are doing what we can with it before we would need any professional help. Also I am going to apply at the Brown County Library to see if maybe I could get a part-time summer job. I worked at a library before and enjoyed it very much so I hope I can do it again. I also filled out an application for volunteer work at the Bay Area Humane Society hoping that maybe I can work there for a little while. I also want to take horse back riding lessons this summer. I have so much planned but I dont know if I'll be able to do them all :) Well, I think that's about it. Oh, please keep praying for my Dad to find a job. It get's harder and harder every day and it is really starting to wear on everyone especially my Mom. Please continue to pray hard and know that all of your prays are GREATLY appreciated by all of us. We will continue to keep you in our prays too.
Arrevadierci!!!
Mary

Homesickness

Yesterday, I went down to Milwaukee with my mom to pick up my little sister from a weekend retreat at the Schoenstatt retreat center in Waukesha. As we got into the city, I began to feel like I was coming home again. You see, I was born and raised in Milwaukee/Waukesha area and I did not move up to Green Bay till I was seventeen. I always get really homesick whenever I go back down there and this time was no exception. When we got to the center, a flood of memories hit me. I spent a good portion of my life at the center going to retreats and summer camps and also for the homeschooler's monthly get-together. I did not want to leave. I even saw some of my closest friends whom I had grown up with there, but only got to talk to them for a short while. I really miss spending time with them. I even asked my mom if we could stay down there for the rest of the day. But my mom, practical as ever, said she had to get home, make supper, feed the chickens, etc and that maybe some other time. I just really miss the whole familiarity of those places. It's not that I dislike Green Bay, I just feel like I'm in exile here sometimes because Milwaukee/Waukesha will always be my home no matter where I live or go. My friends and I are going to get together soon and it's a good thing that it only takes two hours to get there but I still feel homesickness sometimes. I even thought about moving back down there sometime but I don't know if that is what God wants. I just want to go home.......

A great weekend!

To anyone who has not yet seen the new Pride and Prejudice, I highly recommend it! :) I have seen it twice and am going to buy it soon. I love all of Jane Austen's works and this movie portrays her work so well. It makes me want to jump in and become part of that world. This weekend was really lovely because I spent Sunday over at Suzanne's house and had a wonderful time!!! She confided to me that I shocked her brother Matt because I could actually put together a 3-D puzzle of Il Dumo! :) I thought that was funny, being a puzzle nut from a very young age. I had a wonderful time on the whole, and I think her whole family is great (especially her mom :)! It started snowing last night, so now all of Green Bay is covered in a white blanket. It is really pretty and I love the picture it creates. Yet, I do hope spring will come soon. I really don't have much else to add. I'm kind of bored right now and am just rambling on and on and on. Ok, ok, I'll stop :) I think I'm getting sick too because I have a non stop headache that has been going on since about 11:00pm last night. So I think I'll get off now and make myself some hot soup and drink some juice. Arrevadeirci!!!!!!
God Bless,
Mary

Lent has begun

"Well, Lent has begun and the time of sacrifice and repentance is here." Father Moreau said this during the homily at Mass on Ash Wednesday night. I have decided as my Lenten resolution to make a holy hour every week at St. Peter and Paul's adoration chapel. I still feel like I should be doing something else though. I am trying to get into some Lenten reading like Suzanne mentioned, but I still feel like I should be doing more. Any other suggestions? At times, I think about my little sacrifices and then reflect on Christ's ultimate sacrifice and I feel like I'm not doing enough. Oh well, I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. I know God is happy with my daily sacrifices and yet, I want to do so much more. Anyway, it's the effort that counts right? Thank you again for all your continued prayers and I will continue to pray for you during this Lenten season.
God Bless,
Mary

A look and a taste of Italy!

Today, Suzanne and I went down to the Milwaukee Public Museum to see the exhibit of the Vatican there. It was just awe-inspiring to see the exhibits and to get close to everything. It was so neat because it was set up in the timeline of the Church's history. You started the walk at the death of St. Peter and the founding of the Vatican in Rome, and ended up at the pontificates of Pope John Paul II and Benedict XVII. It was really eduacational to see the changes of the Church through history and how much it impacted civilization. The whole time I kept thinking about how many holy people touched and used these objects, and now I was looking at them and could really relate to those holy ones of old. My favorite exhibit was the crosier or staff of John Paul II. Here was a personal object, even a symbol you might say, of one of the holiest men, and possibly, greatest saints of our time. I also loved being able to put my hand atop the bronze cast replica of his holiness' hand and to see his elegant signature at the bottom. I really felt as if I was touching his hand and connecting with him in a way unknown to me before. I think they did a great job on the whole exhibit in general and I left it amazed and quite moved. We stayed at the museum and looked at other exhibits for a while and then went off to Bucca di Beppo's, an Italian resturant not far from the Cathedral of St. John the Evangelist. My parents, who had come down to see the exhibit too, met up with us there and ate a little with us. The food and drinks were delicious (as always!) and we had enough leftovers to take home. My parents headed back home, while we were going to go to my old church, Old St. Anthony's, but it was locked and there was no evening Saturday Mass. So we went to Mass at St. Josephat's Basilica instead. We also went to the Milwaukee Public Library (which is huge by the way and has some really cool artwork inside) and also the Cathedral (we accidentally interuptted a wedding!) throughout the course of the day. But all good things must come to an end and we had to go back home. It is always hard for me to leave Milwaukee. I lived there for seventeen years and I consider it my home now and forever. I always get that way when I leave Milwaukee. I'm just an emotionnal sap I know! :) I had a lot of fun though and really enjoyed the whole day. Yet, it is time for me to get going. Arrevadeirci! God Bless you all!!
Mary

Scared stiff of Mom!

My mother really knows how to scare me sometimes! I pretty much told her that in October when my lease is up, I will be moving back home. My mom thinks it will be great to have me back home, however, I've been out on my own now for almost three years. She is making all these plans and things for when I do move back and I'm kind of waiting for the lightening to hit me! She was telling me all about her "plans" when we went out to lunch today and I was freaking out. I mean, I am scared to death of moving back home! I have a feeling that I will go absolutely nuts when the time comes. Let me fill you in on some of the details..... You see, my mom and I have always been somewhat at odds all my life. When I was a teenager, it just got worse. After I graduated school and was working full time, things got so bad that she decided I had to move out. For the first six-eight months I was out on my own, I hardly ever talked to my mom and never went back home, until one day she called me and asked me to go to lunch with her. We talked things over and had sort of a reconciliation with each other. Ever since then, things have been getting better between us, but we still have our really bad moments. I guess what I'm afraid of is that things will gradually go back to the way they were before when I get back home. I don't know. Maybe I'm just being paranoid but I can't help feeling this way. Well I have till October to think about it. On a happier note, thank you all for the continued prayers for they are greatly appreciated. Also, I filled out an application to a job that I am almost 80% sure of getting!!!!!!!!! I am praying so hard that I get that job because it would be an entry into the field I want to go to school for in the fall! Anyways, I better say goodbye for now. Things to do and places to go. Till next time........
God Bless,
Mary

Thank you for all the prayers........

Thank you all so much for the prayers. My family really does appreciate them and I thank you for them. My father's medical brain problems came back negative and are not a threat (Praise God!) However, he still is feeling under the weather with a cold. But, he has a job interview tomorrow and hopefully God will bless him with a job! So, thank you again for all your prayers! As you know we got struck with a bad blizzard and instead of being able to go out and enjoy the snow (sledding, iceskating, building snowmen, etc....) we have to stay inside because it is below freezing outside especially when the wind picks up even during the day. I heard at night it gets down to 32-40 below! (That's what the weatherman on the radio said!) BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) Oh, and I really enjoyed all the comments about "the perfect woman" :) Yeah, those guys are really looking for something they will never find. I told them that, but they didn't believe me. Oh well, they'll find out soon enough! :) Anyway, this is going to be a shorter posting than the last one because I have to get going. Places to go and people to see so I will bid you all adieu. Or as my Italian family would say.... Arrevadeirci! (I hope that's how you spell it :) God Bless you all!

More news...............

Help me! I have been attacked by the Washington mob!!!!!!!!!! :) No, it's great to know you all and talk to you. Thanks for all the comments too. Well yesterday we had a HUGE snowstorm and from what I last heard we got almost a foot of snow! I didn't even go to work it was so bad and the store actually shut down at 3:00pm. on account of the storm. I did not mind though because I had an extra day off. It was actually really pretty to watch the snow fall.
Suzanne and I are planning to go to Milwaukee next Saturday to the Public Museum to see the exhibit there of Vatican artifacts. I'm so excited and I can't wait till next weekend. You see, I'm orginally from the Milwaukee area and lived there till I was 17, so in a way, I feel like I am going home. Someone asked me once if I would like to live in Green Bay or move back to Milwaukee and I said Milwaukee but the more I thought about it, the more I wondered if I could leave all my new friends here in GB. Sorry, you'll have to forgive me because I tend to go on and on about a certain thought line and I forget about everything else.
I know this is really getting long but I have two more things to say to you all. First, I would like to ask your prayers for my Dad. He is having some medical problems with his brain and on top of all that he doesn't have a job with a wife and four kids at home. So all of your prayers would be gratefully appreciated.
The second is kind of a playful thing after that somber note. I recently asked some of my male friends what they expect and look for in a woman. (Suzanne knows what I'm talking about:)!) Maybe you could all send me comments on this one. They told me that they want a girl who will smile all the time, be extremely good, look perfect and act perfect. Someone who is almost like a Barbie doll. One who is quiet, doesn't ask alot from them, and is kind of like Lana from the TV series Smallville. From the way they were talking, they want a Lana or Barbie doll robot. I asked them if that was all they looked for and why they didn't want a woman who would laugh with them as well as argue with them. Love them as well as challenge them. To fight alongside as well as support them when needed. To be their equal in all things and be treated accordingly. I told them that that was reality and that they would never find their Lana or Barbie and be truly happy. They brushed it off and I told them that well, I could never compete with anything like that. What do you all think of that?
Again I apologize for the length of this entry. I'll try to be shorter in the future. Till next time.......... God Bless!
Mary

little Mary's blog

I've just created my first blog!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks to Suzanne who introduced me to this! Well I should probably write something cool or grand but I really can't think of what to write. I suppose this is probably going to be like a diary so have fun reading to all who visit my blog.
Well I am in the process of figuring out what I am going to do for school. I was supposed to attend this winter but mixed up paperwork and lack of funds prevented me from fulfilling my wish to attend school. I have big news though! After living with my roommates for the past two and a half years I have decided to move out and it looks like I will be moving in with my parents again. I really don't know how that is all going to go. We tend to butt heads quite often but I have a while. My lease is up in October and I will wait on deciding what I will do until that time is closer. Also I hope to have a better job come fall. I want to be accepted for work-study on my financial aid so I will be able to work and go to school at NWTC and quit my job at Hobby Lobby. Anyway, I am really just waiting for spring and summer to arrive and bring the warmer weather with it. Well, I apologize for the length and I will no bow out gracefully. Until next time.....................
God Bless,
Mary